Getting a Divorce? Here’s How to Prepare Your Children
Posted December 26th, 2018 by Anthony Carbone, PC.
Categories: Family Law.
Divorce is one of the most difficult things a family can go through. Not only are you separating from someone you once loved very much, but your children will most likely suffer too. They will be confused and unsure of what the future holds. What’s worse is that your children may wonder if they’re at fault for your divorce.
For starters, it’s important to keep your children in the loop when you and your soon-to-be former spouse are going through a divorce. Make sure they know they feel loved and the divorce is not their fault. For thirty years, the Law Offices of Anthony Carbone has seen incidents where the opposite has happened. That is why we have compiled a handful of tips to keep in mind as you go through the divorce process.
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Plan Before You Tell Them
The first thing you should do when getting a divorce is to have a plan of action for your children before you break the news to them. Discuss how and where to tell them the news. You will want to pick a place and a time that is safe and does not involve any friends or relatives. Telling your children near an important holiday like Christmas probably wouldn’t be the best idea. Also, you may consider speaking with a therapist to learn how to get the message across correctly.
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Be Straightforward
When it’s time to discuss the divorce with your children, be straightforward with them. Make it clear that the separation is permanent and that everything in their lives will stay as similar as possible.
You will want to reassure the children that you and your soon-to-be-ex both love them and will want to be in their lives as much as possible. Your children will undoubtedly ask you many questions but remember to stay positive and answer the questions honestly.
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Don’t Blame Anyone
This is one of the most important tips we can pass along. You cannot assign blame. You cannot say, “Well, your father decided he wanted to be with another woman than Mom” or “Mom is more interested in her career than Dad.” This can lead to alienation from your children. Rather, you want to make it appear that the divorce is a decision you and your spouse both reached together.
Additionally, you want to tell your children that the divorce is not their fault. Let them know that it’s best that you and your spouse live apart and it will help them become better parents.
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Don’t Fight In Front of The Children
Similar to not assigning blame, you don’t want to fight or bad mouth your ex or soon-to-be-ex in front of your children. Remember, your children can be extremely impressionable and anything you say in front of your children can affect them physically, emotionally, or psychologically.
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Your Child Comes First
Finally, we have come to the most important tip we can pass along for divorcing couples. Make sure your children come first. Keep them informed throughout the entire process and make sure they understand what’s going on. If you believe your children aren’t taking the divorce well, therapy may be an option.
It’s also important that both parents avoid creating a sense of abandonment. Both parents need to play an important role in children’s lives.
Contact the Law Offices of Anthony Carbone Today
If you are considering going through a divorce in New Jersey, it’s best to get the help of an experienced divorce attorney to help guide you through the process. Contact the Law Offices of Anthony Carbone today to schedule a free consultation.
